The Top Ten TV Theme Tunes
10. Diff'rent Strokes…
‘A Man is born, he’s a Man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.’
Happy Days had Mr C, Diff’rent Strokes had Mr. D (These American script writers use their imagination don’t they!), a rich bloke who lived in a penthouse apartment with 3 kids and a mental housekeeper. We never got to see The Gooch who was the only ‘villain’ in the whole series. This theme tune gets in purely because of the soulful end to the song - a deep meaningful ‘Ooooooh’ brought you every week by a Rick Astley soundalike.
9. BBC Cricket…
'Soul Limbo'
STAX (Booker T and the MG’s record label) had a deal with Atlantic Records to distribute their recordings and with this coming to an end there was a lot of activity by the latter to release as much of their product as possible. Consequently it was said that STAX was in ‘limbo’ and Booker T and the Boys put together one of their finest instrumental Albums using the Caribbean flavoured title track as a first release.
Rumour has it that despite the track playing at 180bpm Malcolm Marshall’s stride pattern was still quicker than the cricketing anthem.
8. Catch the Pigeon…
‘Nab him, Jab him, Tab him, Grab him, Stop that pigeon Nooooow’
Superb slapstick song that would’ve been given a much higher position in this Top Ten if the above lyrics would’ve been preceded by Dick Dastardly saying ‘For Focks Sake…’ and then followed at the end of the lyrics by ‘…you Incompetent Twats’.
7. Match Of The Day…
‘Da da-da da da-da da da-da
Da da da-da da da’
The longest running show in our Top Ten, Barry Stoller’s theme tune specifically written for the show has undergone little transformation since it’s introduction in 1968 – Jimmy Hill wrote the above mentioned lyrics, ‘nuff said.
6. Laverne and Shirley …
‘One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.’
Upbeat, Uptempo, Feel good song with a groovy dance that Laverne and Shirley perfected in the opening credits – dunno who it was sung by but there was a distinct Motown feel about it although I doubt it would have come from Detroit as Berry Gordy was far too busy trying to shag Diana Ross during the airing of the first series. ‘Yes Laverne I am Gonna Make My Dreams Come True’ my Mum shouted at the top of her voice as the curtain fell on the final episode. She got to her feet gave my Dad an icey glare and turned the tele over to watch Meg Mortimer and Sandy Richardson burn down the Crossroads Motel.
5. Hong Kong Phooey
‘He’s got style Phooey style and a car that just won’t stop’
A Hanna Barbera classic which pips Captain Caveman for a place in the top ten. Phooey’s car was the only one that I’m aware of that had an Arabian style Marquee roof – Jeremy Clarkson once said of the vehicle that it was… ‘Shite in the wet but superb if you were catering a celebrity wedding’.
4. Hawaii Five-O…
No lyrics but a booming beat that heralded a new trend in music at the time. Now more commonly known as Drum and Bass, if there was no Jack Lord or Steve McGarret then Goldie would have his own teeth instead of a gob full of Gerald Ratner cast offs and be working as a shoe shine boy in Peckham Market.
3. Danger Mouse …
‘He’s the Greatest, He’s Fantastic, Wherever there is Danger he’ll be there’
As soon as David Jason’s whiny tones filled the living room I sat down crossed legged, 2 feet from the screen screaming at Dad to get out of the way and waited with baited breath for the lyrics to tell us that ‘Danger Mouse’ was indeed a ‘Power House’. I would have happily played Penfold allowing whining fatty Terry Scott to age gracefully with on screen wife and old biddy June Whifield. John Squier the Stone Roses guitarist worked on the music for this entry which gives it added cache.
2. Hill Street Blues …
‘Roll Call 6.49am’
Just before seven in the morning and Sargeant Esterhaus called the roll call which covered random subject matter including whether or not Officers could catch any antisocial diseases from the Station toilet seats to whether or not Captain Furillo was doing the business with public legal rep Joyce Davenport (a very fit Veronica Hamel), once that was over our screens gave way to the cold, icey streets and sliding cop cars of an anonymous American City while Michael Post’s piano enchanted us – it made you want to be a part of Shitsville USA.
‘Hey, let’s be careful out there’
1. Monkey…
'Born from an egg on a mountain top,
The punkiest monkey that ever popped.
He knew every magic trick under the sun,
To tease the Gods and everyone and have some fun.'
As soon as that egg exploded and the shrill Scream of ‘Monkeeeeeey, Monkeeeeeey’ pierced your ears you were captivated. 100 mile an hour keyboards, 1000 bpm drums and quality lyrics – the 2 reasons for watching the series was for Tripitaka (Fit bald bird or bloke using lashings of Oil of Ulay?) and the music provided by cult japanese band Godiego