The Top Ten Pot Black Competitors
10. Joe Davis…
Grandpa Joe wasn’t just a character in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – he ruled the Pot Black corridors with a ferocity that is gone but not forgotten. Joe’s quiet demeanour belied the animosity that he felt towards his fellow professionals. Once kicked the perm out of Tony Knowles’ hair after he caught the young whippersnapper at his Brylcreem he was the best snooker player in a bar brawl and bullied Alex Higgins into wear spats and that stupid hat.
9. Tony Knowles…
'Mr. Pin Up’ - Once embarrassingly emptied his waistcoat pockets over the green baize whilst using the spider the contents of which included 3 combs with varying teeth spacing, a brush, Harmony Hairspray, tweezers, Anne French, Just For Men, a Johnny and some SuperPro Chalk – Unfortunately Tone never quite recovered from the ridicule he received from his fellow professionals and can now be found selling tassle’s for slip on shoes and tie pin attachments every Sunday at Basingstoke Car Boot Sale. He also moonlights as a Tony Hadley lookalike in Spandau Ballet tribute band ‘I know this much is Blue (Ball centre pocket)’
8. Terry Griffiths…
Welsh mentalist Tel spent his career talking to himself whilst propelling his tiny frame around the table. When trying to ascertain if the black would go past the red into the middle he hung onto the corner pockets like a denim clad fairground neanderthal hanging onto the back of a Bumper Car. Only became a success after Pot Black when he reduced the size of his bow tie, which had prior to the change in wardrobe impaired his vision to the extent that he employed a bloke to ring a bell over the baulk cushion when he was playing a safety shot..
7. Cliff Thorburn…
'Mr 147', also known as ‘The Grinder’ NOT ‘cos he bored his opponents to death with continual safety shots but ‘cos he made cue extension’s on the side in his workshop in the Canadian Rockies. His Porn Star moustache and puppy dog eyes made him a hit with the blue rinse snooker enthusiasts and he now spends his time making knitting needles under the trading name of ‘Pearl Pot’ which has earned him a lot of unwanted attention from Communist Extremists.
6. Eddie Charlton…
If playing were a chore then Steady Eddie would’ve worked the night shift. Australian Charlton always looked like he had just got off a flight from Sydney and bore the weary eyes of a jetlagged Koala Bear. Fell asleep regularly whilst playing a shot and when once told by referee John Street that he ‘could use a rest’ whilst struggling with his bridging hand Charlton agreed and buggered off to his Hotel for an early nigh.
5. John Virgo…
Wacky, Zany, Crazy, Madcap – all words used to after he was admitted into Bacup & Rawtenstall Mental Asylum following a performance of his 'This is how So ‘n So would play a shot’. Virgo was imitating Alex ‘Hurricane’ Higgins when he ran over to Special Guest Sidney Poitier and twatted him with the half butt announcing ‘And that Ladies and Gentleman is how Alex Higgins would pot the black’.
4. Kirk Stevens…
Modelled his hair on Patrick Swayze’s character in ‘Dirty Dancing’ and once uttered the lines of his hero when fellow countrymen Bill Werbeniuk was getting paddled by Steve Davis ‘No one put’s Billy in the corner’ he shouted as he fire lifted the 24 stone Canuck out of the Building. Did more lines than a naughty schoolboy and petitioned for the show’s title to be changed to ‘Got Crack’ when he was on. Rumour has it that when his septum fell out due to his Cocaine habit builders used it as scaffolding to span the River Severn during bridge construction.
3. Bill Werbenuik…
‘He’s Fat, He’s Round, His knob weighs 60 pounds Big Billy, Big Billy’. The cruel jibes that followed Werbeniuk around were enough to drive a man to drink. It did, Billy sank 10 pints during a single frame and said that it was ‘to calm his nerves’. Big Bill was never comfortable with the fame and fortune that Snooker gave him and finally threw in the towel after he sat on the triangle and poo’d Toblerone shapes for 3 weeks until complicated surgery was required to remove it.
2. Ray Reardon…
Modelled himself on Count von Count from Sesame Street and tried to break into the refereeing ranks after he retired. Unfortunately he was banned from refereeing any games after Ronnie O' Sullivan fouled on the Pink and on retrieving the white ball Reardon shouted ‘one, two, three, four, five, SIX! Six Points AWAY HaHaHaHaHa!’. O' Sullivan put him in Hospital for 3 weeks with a cue to the goolies and proceeded to piss on the baulk line in protest..
1. John Spencer…
Another old skooler, it was generally accepted on the circuit that Spencer’s Bow Tie’s were the biggest. Didn’t have a problem with Griffiths’ bow tie blindness in view of the fact that he had his neckwear custom made (by the same people who in years to come would do Dennis Taylor’s glasses) and had two peep holes put in them. His success during the 70’s was made even greater by the fact that he had an allergy to snooker balls and this was the cause of his continual sniffing. If a green was worth 3 points then the contents of Spencer’s hanky would have eclipsed any high break on record.