The Top Ten FA Cup Final Goals
10. CHARLIE GEORGE (1971)
‘And George has done it!’ The late, great Kenneth Wolstenholme’s final goal proclamation in his last Cup Final was the trademark succinct tribute as the mutton-chopped tousle-haired Highbury hero sank to the turf and lay starshaped awaiting his colleagues’ adulation. The fact that it was well into extra time and the famous ‘sapping Wembley turf’ had er…sapped the energy of those pre-broccoli and water Gooners to such a degree that Charlie had to strain his neck wondering where the hell the buggers were, only added to the gravitas. Ok, I’ll admit there were better goals, but better celebrations?
9. KEITH HOUCHEN (1987)
Cup talisman Houchen’s goalscoring exploits had already percolated into the nation’s consciousness as his 87th minute penalty for York had despatched Arsenal from the competition 2 years previously. John Sillett and George Curtis, Coventry’s bouncer-aping management team obviously saw something in the bemulleted streak of p1ss to offer him a contract just in time for the Brummie-lites to go on their one and only run all the way to the Twin Towers. Clive Allen’s 2nd minute bullet header had the Sky Blues fearing the worst, but as the game wore on and Glenn Hoddle was outmuscled by Lloyd McGrath (remember him? No – thought not) Cov started to play. Houchen’s goal was the termination of a sweeping move of the utmost simplicity as he received the ball in the centre circle, knocked it wide to the ever willing Dave Bennett, then timed his run perfectly to the near post to delicately glance Bennett’s inch-perfect cross past Ray Clemence. John Motson wet himself.
8. RAY PARLOUR (2002)
Annoying, high-pitched, ginger, taken-to-the-cleaners-by-the-missus, overrated and ugly. But fair play to him, he stuffed Tim Lovejoy’s ‘It’s Only Ray Parlour’ as he picked the ball up 40 yards from the Chelsea net, right down the smug git’s throat. Ljungberg’s was possibly the technically superior of the two wonder strikes that day, but this one had the SKY muppet speechless for the first and last time.
7. NORMAN WHITESIDE (1985)
By 1985 Whiteside had graduated from 17-year old ‘youngest since Pele’ World Cup hero to integral part of a decent Manchester United side that was still struggling to compete against the Merseyside hegemony of the day. The 1985 Final saw a highly efficient and no little skilled Everton on the 2nd leg of a possible League / FA Cup / Cup Winners Cup Treble. United were more than holding their own in an intriguing if uninspiring encounter. Then Kevin Moran got sent off and suddenly it was all one-way traffic. In a rare breakaway, a fresh faced Mark Hughes spun the ball out to the right flank where Whiteside had been hanging around as the sole United attacker. Even Jesper Olsen was defending by now, it was that one-sided. With his options limited to ‘take it to the corner to waste more time and hope for a replay’ or ‘jink about a bit to the edge of the box, look up to see the world’s best goalkeeper grinning at me knowing that all angles are covered then hit a left foot bender of such ferocious pace and precision that it evades said keeper’s grasp and smacks into his little glove bag he’d placed in the corner of the net’ he chose the latter. Cue Big Ron’s combover to almost fly off in disbelief.
6. RAY WILKINS (1983)
So the mighty Man U go 1-0 down to Brighton. Frank Stapleton gets them back into it but it needs something extra special to break down the combined efforts of Gary Stevens, Tony Grealish and er…Steve Gatting (yes, relation). The Crab (he always passed it sideways) Wilkins receives the ball on the right flank, his hairy little arms making a mockery of his shiny little head. Can I square it to Arthur Albiston? No. Can I slide rule it through to Arnold Muhren? Na. Shit, I’m gonna have to look up and curl one in from 25 yards. I mean who the fuck is Graham Moseley anyway?
5. STEVE MACKENZIE (1981 Replay)
Ricky Villa had just put Spurs ahead with as crap a goal as his subsequent one was stratospheric. City were fearing the worst, but in the form of 19 year old Steve Mackenzie they had one of the most technically gifted players of his generation. Graduating through all the England age groups, Mackenzie was taken under Terry Venables’ wing firstly at Crystal Palace and latterly as an U-21 coach. Little did he and we know at the time but this was to be the crowning moment of an unfulfilled career. An aimless ball was lifted into the Spurs box to be easily headed out by Graham Roberts. Mackenzie, in sufficient space 30 yards from goal to have brought the clearance down and knocked it out either right or left decided instead to lift himself off the ground to a horizontal position alongside the dropping Minerva, and in one crack of his hips to volley said ball straight back from whence it came. Joe Corrigan got a whiff of nasty plastic and only the netting kept it from ending up in Harrow.
4. IAN PORTERFIELD (1973)
OK, so it was an outswinging corner, the Leeds defence went to sleep, Porterfield had time to take a touch, couldn’t really miss from 12 yards. Goals like that are two-a-penny. But this was Leeds in 1973 – the most successful club side of the time, and just expecting to turn up to retain the Cup, Sunderland were an average side with some has-beens and some soon-to-bes (Dennis Tueart, Dave Watson) managed by a geezer in a trilby and a brown mac. David Coleman’s stentorian ‘PORTERFIELD! ONE-NIL!’ set the pulses racing and a nation started to believe that the first 2nd Division team since the thirties could lift the cup. And before you could say ‘Double Save’ they did.
3. STEVEN GERRARD (2006)
The second one. You don’t save those.
2. RICARDO VILLA (1981 Replay)
The well documented substitution in the first game sowed the seeds of this Roy Of The Rovers-esque goal. Wembley in those days was like a seething bear pit if you were having a shocker. Countless England managers had to run the risk of the dog-track trip back to the tunnel after another crap 0-0 against Wales, fans hurling abuse (amongst other things) along the way. Villa didn’t even get that – he was pulled off (stop sniggering at the back) by Keith Burkinshaw to make way for er…Gary Brooke. Does it get any worse? Brooke doesn’t even remember himself, for God’s sake. Well yeah, it does cos he was ushered back on his Walk of Shame in virtual silence by the Dave (of Chas n Dave) -esque physio Mike Varney. Bubble perm AND beard trumping Villa’s own facial ensemble.
Cut to the same venue 5 days later and it’s all to play for. A riveting final swings this way and that – Burkinshaw, to his eternal credit, had decided the Argentine was still worth his spot and had already been vindicated by the first notch of the night. Tony ‘he’s got a Degree in Russian you know c.Brian Moore’ Galvin collected the ball tight to the left hand touchline. A little look up saw Villa drop off his marker and request a ball into the inside left channel. The rest, as they say, is history. If you listen to Spurs fans now you’d be forgiven for thinking he’d beaten a Programme Seller, Peanut Vendor and 4 Mascots on the maziest of mazy dribbles. In reality it was Ray Ranson, Nicky Reid and Tommy Caton (twice). Joe Corrigan doesn’t count, although he should just for the timing of the dink over him that resulted in the net gently rippling. Cue Motson - And here’s Ricky Vealier! (as he insisted on calling him) – STILL RICKY VEALIER! – HE’S SCORED!!!!!!!! WHAT AN AMAZING GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
1. TERRY FENWICK (1982)
Gallant Second Division QPR are running out of time after a scrambled goal that looks like it’ll be enough for the North London Big Boys. The superbly monickered custodian Peter Hucker throws the ball out to the tank-like hunk of experience that is left back Ian Gillard. Gillard easily beats Garth Crooks with a drop of a shoulder and finds Tony Currie with an inch-perfect 8 yard pass. Currie surveys his options and sweeps a ball that Hoddle could only dream of out to the tireless John Gregory. Gregory exchanges a cheeky one-two with Gary Mickelwhite before standing a perfect cross to the far post where Simon Stainrod, having made 50 yards in 4 seconds, finds himself marked by 3 Spurs defenders. The cheeky northerner, under huge pressure, nutmegs each Tottenham player in turn, before finally, and mainly through boredom, lifting the perfect chip over Ray Clemence only for it to bounce off the bar. Luckliy for Rangers, Terry Fenwick has made 90 yards in 7 seconds to nod it back in at the far post and take Spurs to a deserved replay. Well that’s how I remember it, anyway.