Alice Grace
25 February 2008
Born 2.04am…
Welcome to the World Baby.
Parental Advice
23 February 2008
1. Row 4 of PL offers the greatest vantage point to watch QPR.
2. Laphroig – the best of Malts.
3. Mum’s Cooking is never ‘Alright’ or ‘OK’ it is always, without fail ‘Lush’.
4. Swisher Sweets – the best of Cigars.
5. Adidas Campus – never be seen dead in anything else outside of school (see ‘Clarks Shoes’).
6. A Sparklingly Clean Ford on the driveway is worth more than two dirty Aston Martin’s in the same position.
7. Kevin McCloud - Pretentious but cool.
8. Cheltenham Town – Nobbers.
9. Diesel Jeans – well worth the extra expense.
10. There’s an art to donning headwear that your Mum hasn’t mastered – discard her advice when dressing yourself above the neckline.
11. Blue and White – your favourite colours (unless we’re playing away).
12. Stripy tights – Boy or Girl, only wear them if you’re playing an ugly sister (not type cast obviously) in your School’s adaptation of Cinderella (also see ‘Blue and White’).
13. You’re accent is unique, don’t be afraid of the mockers who call you ‘sheep shagger’, they’re only jealous ‘cos their home counties twang has about as much character as an episode of ‘My Family’ (Message to Robert Lindsay - You’re pissing your career and talent away Pal).
14. Clarks Shoes – unfashionable, they look terrible and, you’ll be ridiculed by your classmates for wearing them BUT they’re good for your feet, they won’t be stolen during P.E. and your Grandma made me wear them until I could afford a trendy pair of suede brogues – It’s payback time I’m afraid.
15. Motorcycles – By far the best and most exhilarating form of transport. No, you’re not having one.
16. Mr Bump – The best Mr. Man by a country mile. Roger Hargreaves was obviously a QPR fan.
17. Vandross – When order you to go to your room I mean go to your room and listen to some Luther with the lights turned off.
18. The Naughty Step – Don’t worry, you won’t be alone, Rosie will be there licking your face and wagging her tail no matter how mad at you we are.
19. Engerland – Away trips are for Dad’s and Blokes who think a weekend’s supply of clothes, shower gel, deodorant, towel, phone, wallet, and passport fit into a Lidl Carrier Bag.
20. I have no sugars in my tea, your Mum has one.
Run Update
22 February 2008
Update on runs undertaken on the usual route, thankfully there’s an improvement starting to be shown however I’m yet to break the 30 minute barrier for what is basically a three and a half mile run.
Unfortunately after being kicked up in the air by a neanderthal in a replica Arsenal Shirt at footy on Thursday I came down on my left ankle. As usual despite more strapping than a Mummy sponsored by Elastoplast old faithful buckled underneath me causing me to drive home barefoot and then scatter a bag of frozen peas, a big glass of Aberlour and four Ibuprofen about my person - incidentally not the most advisable of hatrick’s to complete when your pregnant wife has reached her due date.
There maybe no running for a week or so which is a bit of a setback.
Nine
12 February 2008
‘…must be mad, must be blind, driving me crazy right out of my mind,
Nine Nine Nine Emergency (Emergency)’ – Motorhead, Emergency, 1980.
So, we’re in single figures. In the Battle of Baby Consumerism and Accessories we’re streaks ahead of any competition, the Nursery’s complete and we’ve got more disposable nappies than the skip at the back of Mothercare. All we need now is the final addition – our Baby. We’re now playing The Waiting Game.
Unfortunately I’m playing it like an impatient amateur as opposed to an ex Olympian who’s now gone Pro to cash in on his Waiting Game prowess. As Homer Simpson once said ‘…the waiting game sucks’, prophetic words indeed, he must’ve caught a Monday Night televised Waiting Game between two non league no hopers.
Len’s bump (we’re told) is perfect, with the aid of Coco Butter and Bio Oil she’s managed to avoid the dreaded stretch marks so far. Unfortunately she’s taken this personal battle with her stretching skin so far that before bedtime each night she lathers herself up into such an oily frenzy that it’s a struggle for her to actually remain motionless on the mattress. Like a frozen hockey puck on an ice rink she meanders over the duvet awaiting her stationary moment – one gust of wind from an open window or a nudge from me and she’s off again. I’m told that velcro could be the answer however I prefer mooring her on one or two of the bed posts.
The anticipation of Baby appearing is such that we’re talking about names now however we’ve still not come to an agreement on what we should call him or her. Len and I both agreed from the outset that we didn’t want to find out Baby’s gender but now the frustration of not knowing is palpable only with not being able to fully agree on what we should call ‘it’. Some people have suggested that we’ll know what suits Baby when he or she arrives however in my limited experience of newborns ‘Tearful’, ‘Flaky’, ‘Jaundiced’ or just plain ‘Ugly’ suit the majority and I can’t see me getting away with any of those monikers unless the Seven Dwarfs are looking for a new addition to their clan.
Maturity for this author beckons at the less than tender age of 37 - I dunno if I’m ready for it.
No change
08 February 2008
Details of the weeks runs, only a small improvement in pace and time however no improvement whatsover in limiting the average amount of snot expectorated unfortunately.
Monday…
Wednesday…
Friday…
Friday Feeling
01 February 2008
Monday, Wednesday, Friday, the last day of the first week of serious running prompted the following results - Over a minute’s improvement on Monday’s run although it certainly didn’t feel any easier…
