Jog on
30 January 2008
‘I always knew that you were insane with your pain, but I never thought you’d be a junkie because heroin is so passe’ - The Dandy Warhols, ‘Not If You Were The Last Junkie On Earth’, 1997.
This site concurs with The Dandy Warhols and would also add ’starting a New Years Resolution at the beginning of the Year’ to their list of passe pastimes.
With that in mind I started running on Monday and attempting to eat healthily - tres difficile if your Pregnant Wife has a Breakaway fetish (and not the Tracey Ullman type).
Getting back into the swing of things have been difficult however I’ve managed to return to my London Marathon pace within a few outings - unfortunately the London Marathon Pace I refer to is the one at mile marker 25. Running isn’t the problem, having the willpower not to stop running is.
Monday’s run gave the following results…
Not bad I suppose in view of the fact that I haven’t chucked my running shoes on in anger since the middle of last year. OK, I’ve had a couple of forays onto the tarmac but they weren’t really part of a concerted effort as I’m hoping this will be.
Today I stopped. Not because I was knackered (although I was!) but due to a technological mishap. No pockets in the shorts that I was wearing meant that I had to stuff my Ipod into my lycra undershorts (unfortunately it’s a Nano so it did me no favours in the ‘packet’ department). Seven minutes into the run and I realised that I was listening to 2pac Shakur spit out ‘Can’t C Me’ for a second time - I had my Ipod on repeat somehow so decided to stop and alter the settings on it. Despite heavy traffic flow on Kingsholm Road and the ensuing double entendre in this sentance I reached into the front of my undershorts and attempted to drag out my Nano. Unfortunately I failed to remove it but did succeed in removing the Nike + sensor attached to the bottom. I stood on the pavement with the white sensor in my hand and realising where it had come from wondered how many people had seen me retrieve it - nervously I looked up and was met with an answer to my enquiry, ‘…at least one’. A lady dressed in a tabard and fluffy slippers stood gawping at me on the opposite side of the road. I disguised my shame by dramatically tutting and throwing my head back and then managed to pull the Nano out on attempt number two.
The aforementioned misadventure generated two readouts for todays single run…
Using Map My Run I’ve managed to… well, Map My Run…
Welcome To Jackass
08 January 2008
‘For those that don’t know, the Gooch is the bit of skin between your Balls and your Asshole.’ – Johnny Knocksville, ‘Jackass The Movie’, 2002.
If the midwife had used the term Gooch instead of Perineum, I’d have known exactly what she was talking about. Well, that’s not entirely true, for a split second I would’ve thought that she was talking about making a small incision in the bully from ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ as an aid in Childbirth but I’d have got there in the end.
Our first antenatal class was a real eye opener, a roller coaster ride through the Hammer Hall of Birthing Horrors where every possible scenario was explained, dissected and sewn up with dissolving stitches.
If the Men in the room looked shocked and queasy the looks on the First Time Pregnant Women were a sight to behold. A mixture of stunned perplexity, bemusement and red hot alarm filled the stuffy air of Gloucester’s Maternity Unit as sharpened fingernails dug deeply into partners hands whilst the phrase ‘…let’s take a break for juice’ bounced off the lime green walls of the room. Of course I thought that breaking for juice was something to do with the placenta emerging until the Sunny Delight was cracked open.
I turned to Len to ask if she wanted a glass but immediately realised that her faux smile and perspiring brow wanted something much more – 1985, A Delorean, and Michael J. Fox as her co-pilot was my guess.
We sipped our drinks and turned to each other skirting around the BIG issues of the last hour and talking about when she was going to pack her Hospital Bag and whether she was opting for the sporty Adidas Holdall or more nifty and less cumbersome Le Coq Sportif Queens Park Rangers Rucsack – We both agreed that the Adidas Holdall was way ahead on capacity so that was the way to go.
And then it happened. The Midwife who’d been taking the course and been pretty clinical in her delivery and demeanour so far walked back into the room and EVERYONE without fail realised why they were putting themselves through this harrowing process. Nestled between her chest and arm she cradled a little piece of perfection, a newborn baby, 24 hours old with a crop of jet-black hair, silently sleeping like the proverbial. Expectant Mum’s melted and the subject that had been discussed for the last hour and had made these very ladies question how and why they’d got themselves into their respective positions might as well have been dialogue about the varying prices of Sprouts at local Supermarkets.
I don’t know exactly what drives women to want to go through Pregnancy and Childbirth but it’s something that’s unseen, strong, and astoundingly powerful, something that’s so impressed in the female psyche that we’ll never fully understand.
It was yet another amazing moment in what’s been a voyage of discovery since June.
More Is Less
04 January 2008
The increasingly frequent use of Pictures on this part of the site has dramatically slowed down the time the pages take to load. Let’s face it, with an addition to the www.steveqpr.co.uk family imminent it ain’t gonna get any better so to counter this I’ve started using the ‘more’ logo which directs the reader to a full transcript of whichever page they’re reading.
Asthetically it isn’t too pleasing but hopefully it’ll make the Diary Page slightly more user friendly.
Anyway to highlight the point here’s some final Pics of the finished Nursery for all of the DIY SOS Fans that subscribe to this site…
As a brief reminder here’s a Before…
Afters…
