wRONg Manager
29 August 2007
A week to reflect on the most recent visit to Wembley has left me even more convinced that the current England Manager has about as much tactical nous as a one legged Tarantula competing in the Paraplegic Arachnophobe Double Dutch World Championships.
Nice View Shame about the Management
As a Member of the England Travel Club I paid 60 quid for the opportunity to attend England Games Home and Away. The Football Association accepted my travelling companion Al and I with open arms, this should’ve given us both an indication that FA Bigwigs shouldn’t be trusted to make a decision on who should provide the Bog Roll at Lancaster Gate let alone who should be running the National Team.
Last Wednesday’s managerial substitutions beggered belief. There’s absoloutely no point in listing as most know what the problems were (apparantly even Mark Lawrenson voiced his displeasure!) however out of the 6 substitutions made and the subsequent tactical changes that these prompted only two of them seemed at least plausible.
The below diagram shows which changes were met with crys of confounded astonishment from the majority of the crowd of 86,133 (for a friendly!) last Wednesday evening…
Meanwhile following the 1-2 loss McClaren had the cheek to tell the media that he took ‘a lot of positives’ from the performance - this author can only conclude that these ‘positives’ are bank account related.
McClaren gestures towards his Employers at the after match party
The Top 5 x 2
21 August 2007
Not an exhaustive list to say the least but the ample research that I undertook to evaluate the list below means that they’re not even gonna feature as chuck away middle one’s.
The Top 5 Boys Names to steer well clear of…
5. Mutley
4. Lily
3. Skeletor
2. Beelzebub
1. Adolf
The Top 5 Girls Names to steer well clear of…
5. Posh
4. Sporty
3. Ginger
2. Scary
1. Myra
Wishing I Was Lucky
17 August 2007
‘Motility is the issue.’ - Len and I were told this approximately a year ago.
Thankfully NHS Staff are trained to recognise the patented and oft used www.steveqpr.co.uk Rabbit in the Headlights expression and after stunned silence and strained repeats of the aforementioned pose we were told…
‘To put it in simple terms. The amounts are plentiful but they don’t know where they’re going and what their goal is.‘
For friends and family to mock me using these personal traits as an example was fair enough. For my own body, to do the same was, I thought, taking the Piss.
On that day approximately a year ago we’d been trying to conceive for more than two years. We’d undertaken test after test and repeated and then threepeated them. I still get slightly aroused by the sight of a Glass jar with my name on it. Put it this way, if my name was Robinson I’d steer well clear of the Jam aisle at Sainsburys.
In hindsight, after leaving the Hospital and being told this devastating news we gave up hope, there was a possibility we were told but our chances were very VERY slim, IVF was an option but after lengthy discussion we decided to let Nature take it’s course and consequently put all our eggs (or rather Len’s eggs) into Fate’s Frail Basket.
On the way home from work approximately 8 weeks ago Len had picked up a pregnancy test along with some shopping - I knew she was about a week late. When you’re trying for a Baby you break the year into 12 portions and as the end of each portion draws near you secretly hope that this one will be lucky - We never got lucky though and medical experts told us that we never would.
Personally I didn’t think she’d need or indeed use it. I thought (and told her) that she’d be too frightened of getting a negative result to actually open the box. Len agreed and the Test was consigned to the back of a Cupboard with the out of date paracetomol and old boxes of Vitamins that seemed like a good idea at the time of purchase.
On the 26th June at 7.10am while I was driving to work my phone sprang into life…
‘Steve…’, ‘Yep.’, ‘…I think I’m pregnant’
The words just hung there like a cartoon speech bubble. So began the most surreal day of my life.
She sent me a photograph of the test and I studied it ALL Morning trying to find a mistake in the pixelated image.
We went to the Doctors at 11am where he mentioned things like ‘Tests don’t reveal false positives’, ‘Appointment with the Midwife’, ‘Take it Easy’ and ‘Free Prescriptions’.
We rushed home that Lunchtime and repeated the test to satisfy our Pessimism - it revealed the same Result as did the umpteen other tests that we’ve done since then.
Nine weeks down the line and the surrealism is slowly being replaced by the reality that Len’s got a Bun in the Oven and the plan to treat myself to a new motorbike this year is gonna have to be shelved. She’s 13 weeks and a day today and the results from our most recent scan have revelaed that everything’s going well.
Can You Tell What it is Yet?
‘It’ is sheduled to arrive on the 21st February 2008 - that gives me a solid 6 months left of being the immature one in the relationship. I’ve got a helluva lot of stupidity to fit in during that short period of time.
Ruud Gullit
08 August 2007
I could blame the lack of entries on the devastating floods that have hit this part of the country but I won’t. Apathy is to blame and I’m afraid the quality of posts will not be enhanced by this offering which was found on the BBC Website this Morning.
Football Fans will understand the Ruud Gullit Reference but other than that I’ll let Auntie’s Top Quality News Team provide the entertainment. What WERE they (or Mr Rogers!) thinking!?!…
