Shaggy ‘n Scoob
07 July 2007
Everytime I write a post of this type my opening gambit is something along the lines of… ‘I live in a quiet suburban cul-de-sac…’.
From now on I’m gonna start with the line News from Gloucester’s equivalent of Compton
So, here we go…
Latest News from Gloucester’s eqivalent of Compton.
No expense spared on graphics
On the stroke of midnight yesterday evening as I was just settling down with a glass of Laphroaig and Le Tour Preview my doorbell sprang into life. I looked at Rosie, asked her who the Bloody Hell could be visiting at this untimely hour and received a shrug of the ears and a lacklustre bellow of the cheeks (facial not butt thankfully). On answering the door and I was met by my next door neighbour clad in flip flops and open neck shirt, beaded necklaces bouncing on plate sized pectorals as he breathlessly told me that he’d just spotted an ‘intruder’ - he actually used a far more colourful explanation of the bloke that was just spotted in his back garden! Thankfully Rich explained that the bloke had realised he’d been spotted and jumped over the back garden fence and buggered off before he could be caught and more importantly before he could take anything.
I said I’d keep my eye out and closed the door. My sole intention was to return to my whisky and TV but I had that niggling feeling and decided to go out into the back garden and have a quick nose about. Behind my back fence is a small wooded area, where Squirrels forage, Birds flutter and Rosie craps, it’s a haven for wild animal’s and we’ve seen badger’s, foxes and lately bat’s have decided to pay us a visit. Anyway, I digress. I unlocked the gate and Rosie bounded out thinking that she was going to be treated to a late night walk - this obviously wasn’t the case. I called her to me, pointed to the trees and told her to ‘Seek’…
Out the back Rosie shows off her new Beat
…she didn’t hesitate. Off she went into the darkness, the crackle of sticks snapping underneath her paws, her panting breath clearly audible in the quiet of the night. Then I heard it, a deep throaty growl and a barrage of barks quickly followed by the suprising sight of a bloke sprinting out of the bushes. Apparantly Linford Christie went on the ‘B’ of Bang, this bloke however went on the ‘B’ of Bark and if his reaction time was measured I’m sure he’d rival Ben Johnson on the ‘Imfullofperformanceenhancingdrugsometer’.
I blurted out something along the lines of ‘Yeahyoudbetterfockinrunyoutwat’ and gave chace, my legs running as quickly as my mouth, my heart beating like a drum. He disappeared behind a fence running towards the front of the cul-de-sac with Rosie gaining rapidly and me doing my best to fruitlessly shout ‘STOP!’ and keep up with a pace that was way too hot to handle. As I hurtled around the corner I heard someone shouting ‘POLICE’ and was met with the comical sight of our intruder on the floor with Rich’s flip flop clad foot resting on his head and Rosie barking at the floored assailant as if her life depended on it.
The Police arrived within minutes and took the bloke off Rich’s capable hands (or foot) and immediately searched him finding a knife and some ID that showed that he was only 15 years of age. He pleaded his innocence stating that he didn’t know the knife was in his pocket and he was on his way back from his mate’s house although why he decided to take refuge in a bush on the way home remained unexplained!
The Police asked various questions and eventually took him away and left the residents of our cul-de-sac in various states of undress (dressing gowns, nighty’s, jim-jam’s and Len’s favoured back to front tracksuit bottoms) talking about how quiet it was here and that this sort of thing rarely happens thankfully!
This Morning in the cold light of day it’s been generally accepted that Rosie played a major part in capturing the young criminal and it would appear that after chatting to the Police her application to join the local Constabulary is a nailed on cert for acceptance.