Prophet? No Loss
23 April 2007
Last year this author moaned about the new marketing campaign’s for cider in this entry. Ten months on and it looks as if the Internet has finally caught up with this site in its’ hatred (not too strong a phrase to use in this instance) of pretentious tosspots drinking Magners/Strongbow/Any other derivitave out of a tall glass with Ice when a cloudy warm scrumpy tastes nicer and gets the consumer completely bladdered in half the time.
Don’t talk to me about having a ‘refreshing drink’ to ease away the troubles of a long day - If you want something ice cool, energizing, lively and invigorating have soddin’ Slush Puppy and leave your yearning for a Big Boy’s drink for those of us that are man enough to take the real thing.
Rip Roarin’ Raspberry Slush replaces Magners ‘n Ice - both have similar abv
Vindicated doesn’t begin to describe the feeling - ‘UP YOURS’ Magners ‘n Ice!
Running Man
22 April 2007
‘…And I’ve seen all the gir-irls
In their pretty frocks and curls,
But they don’t mean a lot to me.
I run for home, run as fast as I can,
Ah-ah-ah, a runnin’ man, runnin’ for home.’ - Run For Home Lindisfarne, 1978
I was putting out the washing this afternoon. Before I hear any comments about this author turning into a namby pamby housewife the items I was hanging out included my knuckle duster, boxing gloves and nunchakas. As I merrily pegged a pillow case onto the rotary line Rosie started barking at a couple of kids who were walking through the wooded area behind our house - I paid no attention - as i see it it’s a good idea to let a dogs presence be known at the house. When she stopped barking I hung the matching duvet cover up and heard a large impact on our fence and the sound of kids laughing with a bit of mimicked dog barking.
Rosie went off on one and unfortunately so did I, I climbed up our 7 foot fence and told the kids to ‘bugger off’ as they sprinted away in the most macho voice I could muster - hard to do when you’ve got a peg bag hanging around your neck.
I didn’t leave it there. I located a pair of trainers (I was completing the task of hanging out the washing ‘barefoot’ just to intensify the experience) and despite me having to lace up a pair of what felt like 19 hole Adidas gave chase. There was no sign of the kids as I set off in hot pursuit so I just ran in a general direction where I thought they might be.
I didn’t pace myself, I had been to a christening earlier in the day so consequently had a couple of pints of Kronenbourg and what felt like the entire volovon capacity of a weekend of wedding buffets on board and I was wearing a t-shirt inside out and a pair of old, ripped rugby shorts - it’s safe to say I wasn’t looking or feeling in the best of shape.
I rounded a corner, Adidas spinning out over a discarded dog turd on the pavement and came across the kids - two girls, one wearing a black ‘Korn’ hooded top the other wearing a low life scum scowl. They were bent down at a fence banging on the wood and barking. Luck was with me, they hadn’t heard me approach and as I got to within 5 yards of them I shouted at the top of my voice… ‘OI!!!’
As they both sheepishly looked at me I readied myself to give them the tongue lashing of a life time using phrases including…
‘Haven’t you got anything better to do?’
‘I’m gonna tell your Mum’
‘If you like banging on wood I’ve got a fance panel that needs repairing’
‘Sod off to your bedroom and play Playstation like every other sad bastard teenager’
or the oft forgotten classic…
‘Get a fockin life you little shit’
Unfotunately after my initial ‘Oi!!!’ opener I realised that I was so out of breath after chasing them all I could manage was some puffs and pants interspersed by a few profanities and a threat that it could get ‘worse’ (what did that mean!) for them if they tried the ‘Wood/Bang/Bark’ trick ever again.
As I watched them walk away sufficiently scolded I proudly walked home despite the lack of any real killing lines. Unfortunately I’m now awaiting the impending threat of graffiti daubed on my back fence although am secretly interested in what it might say…
‘Unfit Nobber Lives Here’ would be my favourite.
Driving License Application
18 April 2007
Just how easy is it to obtain a driving license in Richmond, Virginia?
Here’s your (rather comical I thought) answer brought to you by Will Carsola and Dave Stewart of daybyday productions
Does our intrepid hero get away with his fourth attempt?
…read it and weep…
Ricoh Jealousy
7 April 2007
I love Loftus Road, Yep, it’s a bugger to get to (especially when it’s a 200 mile round trip), the parking is terrible, the seating is pants and it’s not in the most salubrious of areas but it’s still ‘home’.
Travelling to the Ricoh Arena today I decided that as Len wasn’t making the journey with me (she was looking after our phantomly pregnant dog!) that I’d take my motorbike. Parking at the stadium there is extremely poor and can be pricey.
As I arrived at the Ricoh I took a left towards the main arena and then, despite a bloke in yellow’s protestations slipped past a barrier and arrived right outside the main entrance - having a helmet on is a great way of feigning ignorance and after my best ‘quizzical look’ I was told by parking attendant number two to chuck my bike in the corner by ‘…that disabled space’. I complied with his orders and hey presto, free parking 25 yards from the stadium in an area reserved for ‘Members Only’.
The day got better when I entered the Stadium and was greeted by a state of the art facility, one of the only arena’s I’ve ever visited that’s made me envious - I even mentioned to this sites brand spanking new Stent Reporter that I wished it was ours!
The match report can be found here suffice to say that it was a great day to be a QPR fan and I rode home on a wave of emotion that saw me touching 3 figures for most of the journey (that’ll be 69.7 mph obviously Officer).