The Hatrick
27 February 2007
The third run and thankfully the cost of the Nike+ System is still more than sufficient enough to motivate me to continue with the training at present. Via the Nike+ website I’ve set a target of 12 runs in 28 days and am hoping to stick to it. Today was Run Number One of the scheduled 12 although the countdown of days started on Monday.
Where was Rosie’s Poo Stop? Answers on a Postcard to the usual address
Tonight despite the blustery wet weather I continued unabated once again with Rosie as my willing pacemaker. I’m sure she’d be happy running at Sub 4 minute mile pace but as I’m no John Walker she’ll have to make do with my 8 minute pace at present. New Zealander Walker was the first athlete to run 100 Sub 4 Minute Miles however I’d like to see him attempt to break the four minute barrier whilst attached to a dog who’s gait resembles a post Pub Pisshead eating a Kebab whilst texting his missus with a request to record Match of the Day (If it were me I’d favour a Jamaican Pasty as opposed to the Kebab option obviously).
Despite my efforts at training her to run at the side of me Rosie regularly makes a bolt for it and zig zags across the pavement in front of me like a cruise missile with no apparant destination, I regularly get my feet entangled in her lead and have to come to an abrupt stop to avoid strangling the poor mutt as she spirals around my legs. With my unerring track record of accident proneness a pavement stumble headfirst into a thorn bush is only a matter of weeks away - Watch this Space.
Try recording a Sub 4 with a Springer tied to your arm Pal
No Mas
25 February 2007
Proof if proof be required that a day of Staropramen, Queens Park Rangers and a Cigar improve the quality of fitness.
Nike+ Run Number Two followed the same route as Run Number One (although according to the results I ran 0.06 of a mile less) and indicated the following…
A difference in time of 1m 36s however there were no unscheduled Poop Scoop Stops during this particular run although experience tells me that together Rosie and I can Poop, Scoop, Bag and Bin in a Personal Best Time of 36.45 seconds so the time is still an improvement.
At QPR however improvement isn’t the word I’d use - Some fans believe that since the departure of Ian Holloway (who returned to earn a draw with his Plymouth Side yesterday) the Club has gone backwards, statistics would agree with that summation however I believe that we’ve taken more of a sideways step since Olly left.
Individually there are some plusses, Lee Cook (despite this author’s criticisms) shows a maturity to carry this struggling team that belies his years and his efforts despite being played out of position are commendable. With the ball at his feet the comparisions to Ryan Giggs are obvious and a Summer move to a more successful Club is surely a transfer that most QPR fans are resigned to.
Cook -v- Plymouth 24/02/2007
Chelsea Loanee Michael Mancienne is another plus, the youngster has captained his country at Under 18 level and shows a composure on the ball that is fantastic to see, he rarely miss times a tackle and reads the game like Brian Cant used to read Jackanory - flawlessly.
Now the downsides. John Gregory our manager is showing a managerial naievity that most would not expect from a person of his experience. Since his appointment Gregory has easily scored the Sunday League Manager’s hatrick of Inconsistency in team selection, Questionable decisions during games and Playing players out of position when there are more than acceptable options in the squad (Recent new contract signee Ray Jones was a case in point yesterday). When he was appointed most fans assumed that we were getting a Manager with experience and tactical nous, a Manager who could take the team forward. Some might still think that Gregory demonstrates these qualities, I for one am not conviced.
The www.steveqpr.co.uk Donkey of the Day Award goes however to Steve Lomas whose name is quite obviously Cockney Rhyming Slang for the words uttered by Roberto Duran during his 2nd fight with Sugar Ray Leonard,
‘No Mas, No Mas’ Duran shouted as the warrior skulked in his corner after a severe beating from Leonard.
The Translation?
‘No More, No More’ - after 45 minutes of watching Lomas ply his trade (which, after careers advice at halftime he was told should have been ‘Cabbage Farmer’) Duran’s pleas for mercy seemed extremely poignant.
‘Lomas, No Mas’ - Duran speaks for QPR Fans across the World
Run One
21 February 2007
The first use of the Nike+ System prompted the following results…
I’m hoping to publish more of the same when I get to grips with using it properly. The dots throughout the yellow line represent each mile covered apart from the last one which is obviously the end of the run - Now for the excuses…
The dip during mile one was when my running partner had to have a crap and i had to bag it and bin it using the www.steveqpr.co.uk preferred method of Poo Disposal - thankfully my running partner was Rosie so embarrassment was kept to a bare minimum!
Also the slowing of pace in Mile three was due to the randomness of my Ipod Music - ‘Pling’ by Shuggie Otis (taken from his Inspiration Information Album) came on and the melodic keyboard and slow basslines reduced me to a laborious canter. A running playlist is gonna have to be organised and Shuggie’s gonna have to be left for a candlelit Dripper evening.
Inspiration, Information, Botheration
I like to think my excuses for my dip’s in form over the distance are pretty original - My solace for the aforementioned trough’s is that at least I didn’t blame it on a dodgy hamstring and get my Dad to carry me home…
…Did I Derek?
Redmond Blames Shagged Hamstring as Enya appears in Ipod Playlist
Mockney Madness
19 February 2007
Len and I were making a Sunday Roast last night – well, that’s not entirely accurate. Len was making the Roast, I was following her around the kitchen with my Ipod playing various tracks as she wore the headphones, sang out of tune and shaked her thang.
After about 6 tracks Len’s voice finally got the better of me, I think it was during Fat Joe’s ‘What’s Luv’ when, with a little too much yearning for my liking she spat out the lyrics…
‘I want a Chick with Thick Hips who Licks her Lips…’ who could ‘…be the Office type or like to Strip’
That was then I got out the cheapy Ipod Speakers that I use in the Garage and put them in the Kitchen.
20 Quid from Amazon - Cheap as Chips
We then had a good ol’ fashioned knees up over a Morrisons Chicken and a bucketload of veg and roast potato’s – well, that’s not entirely accurate. Len partied over the food while I acted as resident MC announcing at the top of my voice that…
‘Coming up next we have a Madness classic. The track that all paranoid women can relate to ‘My Girl’’
This prompted Len to start singin along and do her famed Brussel Sprout Booty Bounce – only it wasn’t Len singing, it was some Pop Idol cockney bird in trackpants sounding a bit like Suggs on helium.
‘Why are you putting on that accent?’ I asked her as she stated that sometimes she preferred to ‘…stay in and watch Tee Veehee on my own every now and then..’
‘What accent?’ she replied.
‘The Ska’d up Mockney one.’
It was then that we realised… Everyone does it. EVERYONE puts on the ‘Madness Mockney’ when they’re singing along to a bit of Suggs and the Boys. From ‘Baggy Traaazuz’ to ‘Shat Aap’ there’s a little Madness Mockney in all of us.
The reason? Well, if you’re from the West Country the first line of ‘My Girl’ translates as the following…
‘Moi Gurulz Maaad Aaaat Mee, Oi didunt warna see the filum toonoight…’
If Madness had been from Gloucester, they’d still be opening up for the Strippers at Crackers on a Saturday Lunchtime.
Snow
08 February 2007
Just a couple of pictures from Rosie’s first outing in the snow.
Her stupidity is such that she’s more than willing to chase snowballs and then search for them after they’ve landed - I could’ve exercised her from the comfort of my own doorstep if my I.Q. didn’t match the dogs…
Feedback
06 February 2007
As I didn’t attend I was unable to provide any feedback to a recent Staff Jamboree and combined Picnic. Thankfully a completed feedback form was all I needed to gain an insight on the days events.
Thanks to Charlie Bucket for this submission…
Poocati
01 February 2007
I’ve been in the market for a new bike for a few months now and have had my fair share of test rides including a Blade, R1 and GSXR 600 and all have been pleasant events from how I was dealt with by whichever dealership I was visiting to the overall test riding experience. The added benefit was that all have been within a 10 mile ride of my place.
Today before taking the final plunge I thought I’d give a bit of exotica a chance to charm me - As my local Strip Club only opens between the hours of 12.00am and 12.01am (it’s clientele are all members of premature ejaculators anonymous) I decided to have a crack on a Ducati 749s.
I had a quick look online and found that the Dealership with the most selection of new and second hand Duke’s are approximately 60 miles away from me - most of the pre-owned stock is described in an enticing way ie ‘Stunning’, ‘Excellent, ‘Nice Example’, etc. and whilst I’m not drawn in by flamboyant marketing I thought at least there might be something in their used stock that might take my fancy. I called yesterday stating my intentions to visit the Dealership (lets call them ‘Daylesbury Ucati’ for arguments sake) and rode the 60 miles this morning to have a gander and a test ride.
What did I find? 5 or 6 (there may have been more - I gave up looking!) 749’s in various states of disrepair. Headlights broken, wing mirrors smashed, fairing panels hanging off, Bolts missing, Bird Shite everywhere, Corrosion on parts that any dealer worth his salt would’ve addressed prior to placing the bike on the forecourt. I spent 15 minutes there at most and hopped back on my Bike for the 60 mile return journey.
So, to summarise. A 120 mile round trip to a Dealership that hasn’t got the intellect to realise that they’re not gonna move any bikes unless they make them look relatively appealing to prospective purchasers - I mean, I know it’s Ducati which is a name that conjures up all sorts of sex appeal for most (premature ejaculators annonymous notwithstanding) but they could at least clean the Bird Crap off ‘em.
Still, at least the A40 provided some decent riding and scenery.