Obsession

01 March 2009

Obsession

It was Alice’s First Birthday on the 25th February 2009, those expecting a gushing report on the days (and subsequent weekend party) festivities should look away now - as the title of this entry suggests, I’ve developed a ‘problem’ that far outweighs the celebration of my only offsprings’ first year. You see…

Alice…

received…

some…

lettered…

building…

blocks…

ALICE'S Building Blocks

I’m now totally obsessed. Not with attempting to teach my daughter to spell at an early age or even to educate her with the basics of A B C, nope I’m just hoplessly gripped with a fanatical need to spell… erm… stuff.

I need help

I’m already at the point where I truly believe that if we all adopted this medium of communication world problems could be solved overnight.

Using ‘Block Spelling Expression’ (BSE) takes care, time and thought. You can’t just blurt out whatever’s on the tip of your tongue (by the time you’ve found the P, I, S, S, O, F and F letters your initial reaction will have lost its’ impact), careful consideration is required for each and every retort - there’ll be no more ‘he said, she said’ discussions, heated arguments between wife and spouse will not be worth bothering with, banal conversation will be cast aside in favour of more important discourse.

The only downside is possible RSI for those that really like a natter however I predict World Peace in 6 months if World Leaders across the board adopt BSE at their gatherings.

As you can see with a bit of freestyling anything’s possible…

This took me Bloody ages

March 1, 2009. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Album Art

27 February 2009

Wannabe pretentious Indie wank Bands - This ship has sailed…

The Silent Triangles - 'Percussion for Cod'

February 27, 2009. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Docks -v- Drippers 2009

24 February 2009

Inspired by a recent email from Spesh with a link to the Krispy Kreme Challenge I’ve managed to cobble together a Gloucester version. Granted, Four miles and Twelve Donuts in an hour is no mean feat however Drippers are a totally different beast to Krispy Kreme’s fare.

Docks -v- Drippers 2009

MAP LINK

So, a 2 mile (clockwise for those who have already expressed interest) trek taking in Gloucester’s Top Three tourist sights as confirmed by this site approximately 8 words ago; The Docks, The Cathedral and Janes Pantry. The twist? Three Drippers must be consumed at the halfway point of the course (conveniently this is Janes Pantry’s location).

Next year we’ll rename it simply ‘Pukefest’.

February 24, 2009. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Take Heart

05 February 2009

With this author’s recent references to Kevin Smith some might say that I’m modelling this diary’s update’s on the very mans website and his sporadic entry’s. This is patently not the case. Despite having a daughter who (invariably) kips from 6.30pm ’til 7.00am it’s taken me 38 years to realise that football, Len’s arse, gambling, wearing rugby shorts, Stella, Strongbow, Red Wine and Sky Sports are NOT my favourite things in the world - Sleeping now takes precedent over everything.

To quote Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon ‘I’m too old for this shit’.

Alice’s first day in Nursery came and went with not a peep of complaint from our daughter despite her suffering from a cough ‘n cold and sporting more teeth than Jaws 1 and 2 (3 and 4 shouldn’t even be labelled with the prefix ‘Jaws’ as Roy Schneider doesn’t make an appearance). On her return from Tree Tops we were presented with Alice’s first ever drawing which I upload to this site purely for reasons of posterity as opposed to artistry although the monochromatic nature of the piece does suggest a doffing of the cap to Ad Reinhardt and a stiff two fingered ‘up yours’ salute to Jackson Pollock…

Alice's First Painting

After a lot of excitement and cries of ‘Isn’t she advanced for an 11 month Baby’ the parents were informed that she didn’t have a hand in the prose of the painting.

February 5, 2009. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Thirteen Three

02 September 2008

Can our hero keep the weight off ’til the next weigh in in 2 weeks time after taking a timeout at a rented Cottage in Cornwall for a week?

In the immortal words of Len after the dog had taken a crack at our Monopoly Game and I asked her if all the cards were still intact…

‘There’s No Chance’

Nuts.

September 2, 2008. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

01 September 2008

The world will look up and shout ‘Save Us’ and I’ll whisper ‘No’ - Rorscharch, 1986

‘One of Time Magazine’s 100 Best Novels’

The Book The Film

My Advice? Attempt to get over the ‘Comic Book’s are for Kids’ prejudices and read it, it’s an astounding and thought provoking book (click on the picture below to visit the upcoming Film’s website).

Director Kevin Smith caught an early viewing of the film and said the following on his Website …

‘I saw ‘Watchmen’, It’s fucking astounding. The Non-Disclosure Agreement I signed prevents me from saying much, but I can spout the following with complete joygasmic enthusiasm: Snyder and Co. have pulled it off…’

‘…Remember that feeling of watching ‘Sin City’ on the big screen and being blown away by what a faithful translation of the source material it was, in terms of both content and visuals? Triple that, and you’ll come close to watching ‘Watchmen’. Even Alan Moore might be surprised at how close the movie is to the book…’

September 1, 2008. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Thirteen Five

26 August 2008

Proof (if it were ever required) that drinking Five Pints of Strongbow and participating in a historically unathletic sport (maybe you should try Snooker at the Top Cue Club Monty!) the night before a weigh-in is nigh on the perfect preparation.

How the hell I managed to forego the KFC bucket(s) that Smooth and Beesy decided on wolfing down as we trudged home is anybody’s guess although the fear of being mowed down by the Mercedez 4×4 queuing behind 2 beered up blokes patiently waiting in the drive-thru lane might have had something to do with it.

In other (even more mundane than the previous paragraphs) news I finally received my Marin Northside Trail that I was forced to order online as my local bicycle shops had run out of stock due to the imminent release of the ’09 model. Still, ordering it via the net gave me the perfect opportunity to purchase from the lowest bidder as I fired emails off to every UK Marin Stockist that Google could come up with resulting in a 25% discount off the £499 asking price.

The Postman's been

What's in the Box?

Like all things that I touch I have managed to bugger up the assembly and now have a front disc brake that barely works due to the fact that I turned, twisted and tweeked a couple of bolts, the funtions of which were (and still are) a mystery to me. The possibility of a ‘Can you fix this for me ‘cos I’m a bungling tosser’ trip to an expert looms large – Luckily I’ve long since become oblivious to the embarrassment that one should feel visiting mechanical experts in their chosen fields following a www.steveqpr.co.uk balls up as my experience of these enforced visits have been pretty much habitual ever since I could pick up a screwdriver by the wrong end and use the handle to bang a nail into the wall.

August 26, 2008. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Dear Monty

24 August 2008

As a ‘veteran’ of one Test Match, an imminent one dayer and far too much TV time to quantify it’s time I firmly nailed my colours to the mast.

Dear Monty,

Written on behalf of the English Cricket Selectors

Yeah, OK, you might be able to dexterously run your fingers over a seam but hey, any decent tailor can do that son. When you’ve got a bit of athleticism about your person give the ECB a call and then they’ll consider putting you in an England Squad.

Anyone who looks as gangly as you do when they’re sprinting should be pissed up on San Miguel and Sangria and running from Bulls in Pamplona.

Regards

www.steveqpr.co.uk

PS Can you autograph this 6×4 print please, it’s a free listing day on eBay soon and I could do with a few quid - Ta.

HIgh Fives

Monty celebrates joining the sub 24 second club for the 100 yard dash

August 24, 2008. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Thirteen Eleven

20 August 2008

‘Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeah, I did. I’s just in here gettin’ my car checked, he just appeared out of the traffic.
Come streakin’ around the grease rack there, didn’t have nothin’ on but a smile.
I looked in there, and Ethel was gettin’ her a cold drink. I hollered, “Don’t look, Ethel!”
But it was too late, She’d already been mooned.
Flashed her right there in front of the shock absorbers’ – Ray Stevens, ‘The Streak’, 1974

So, what DID happen?

Weigh in time for me is 8.00pm on a Monday evening. The theory is that as Len’s isn’t home from her Slimming World class ’til then it’d be unfair for me to measure my weight loss (or god forbid gain) any earlier.

Bollocks? Yeah, I thought so too. Especially as on Monday morning I registered at 13st 8lbs and by the evening the same scales showed me 3lbs heavier. Bear in mind that as we know it’s a Monday both of us are like boxers attempting to make the weight (Len’s a Flyweight, I’m more Cruiser unfortunately), food is kept to a bare minimum, hydration is restrained to the extent that we start seeing mirages (Len’s are invariably Dairy Milk related, I’m more of a Twiglet and Cheese kinda guy) and if we had a steam room we’d spend more time in it than Lester Piggot before the National.

I’d kept my Morning weight a secret hoping to shock, astound and beat my fellow competitor to a fruity pulp in the top weight loss stakes. So, as she came home and revealed that she’s a ¼ of a pound off the half a stone loss mark I smugly congratulated her and was ready to dive on the scales and astonish her with the news that I was a pound off a stone loss. Confidently I stepped on the scales only for them to reveal that I was 13st 11lbs, I gazed at the figures disbelievingly as they stared back mocking my incredulity (and quite possibly my nakedness from their angle!). Len gave me the ol’ ‘One whole pound, well done Darling’ words of encouragement but I knew there was a hint of patronisation in her tones – she’ll deny it but it’s all good, I’d have done the same if I were in her shoes.

August 20, 2008. Uncategorized. No Comments.

Pics

13 August 2008

Quite literally hundreds of pictures have been taken of Alice (and in turn Rosie ‘cos we’ve gotta treat them equally!) since her birth. With 6 months approaching here are a few favorites…

lilypie lilypie